Let the Son Rise

By Yohanna Abdullah
My son
I did not choose the illness, the illness choose me. I would never in my right mind want try you with my insanity when you were just 10 months old and your sister two years old while you were both my precious nurslings.
I don’t want to blame anyone for the events that followed after my first mental breakdown, right to this moment when I am still struggling each day to maintain my optimal health and  my sanity. I accept it as God’s test on me on this temporal world and I have to make lemonade out of lemons and use my challenges to make the world a better place.
I know you suffered tremendously and did your level best to live and thrive and I am proud that you have managed to pull through in many ways.  Everyone who has lived on this earth will have issues and their own struggles and I want to help you deal with yours. I don’t want to be your trigger to depression or deep-seated resentment or anxiety that will hamper your personal development and your happiness.
You have the right to feel angry and disappointed with what life has shown you with a bipolar mum and an absent father. Still, we are doing our best in our own way to make up for our lapses, the times we were not by your side.
You have a family that loves you, even if we are flawed and broken as many families are out there. I thank your grandmother for being the pillar of strength and stabilty to you through all your difficult childhood and teenagehood and now you are a young man, all of 22.
Life is never meant to be plain-sailing and we do our best to have joy and peace of mind, by cultivating good principles and values and treating each other the way we want to be treated ourselves.
Please help me to help you overcome your heartache and disadvantages by seeing a counsellor as a start and opening up what you have long bottled inside, in sullen silence.
I love you from the depths of my womb. You are the reason why I wake up each day determined to do my best and conquer my inner demons. I know we can do this together with God’s Love and His Grace.
May peace be upon you.

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