by Sumaiyah Mohamed
Number one: Do not fight –
not even the tears that spring from fears unfounded,
crying without knowing its root cause… chaos cacophony – you feel like a cockadoodledoo but you
should not protest
though every pore in the body seems to burn you – no actually you do not even feel the pain you just cannot seem to refrain from this endless choo choo train of thoughts so true to you and they go on and lead to what ifs about future absolute failures that has turned so very real.
Number two: Do not make this seem like agony,
because you must think this is an exaggeration you do don’t you I think you do why do you think so I think you think I think I am thinking a bit too much of myself… Help?????
Number three: Let these circles of cognitive thunderclouds float you by and wait until it passes in full,
not forced under the carpets of your heart,
forgotten until it overflows, causing you to later flail and then you die.
Now there is pain but you will not die.
There is screaming but you have to try to be silent.
Number four: Look around you. Nobody likes anybody all the time but witness how all the grapes and apples and gerberras your beloved hand-holders have brought to help you be the girl that you were, are, will be.
Number five: Observe how you will heal with your quiet
thoughts – you will learn to deal with your many faults.
And then your swollen eyes will unclose
and you will speak because the lump in the throat has disappeared, and you can say,
“There is a river in me.”
Sumaiyah Mohamed is a programme coordinator with Club HEAL. She aspires to be a mental health advocate. She loves reading and writing and walks and hot comforting beverages. She is a mother of a young child.