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Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

It started with Allah being Most Gracious and Most Merciful. My mental illness was a plan concocted by the Best of All Planners and I find grace and love and strength from that, and meaning – that there always was a meaning to my illness. That it was created within me not to punish me for any evil deeds I have done, never, Allah is not a Punishing God, His Mercy exceeds His Wrath by far, subhanaAllah.

It started with me wanting to be perfect, to do my ultimate best for school, so much so that it became an obsession, that I forgot myself, forgot that I could only do my best, make a prayer and move along, move forward. I was stuck in wanting to be good and I always was, we all are…

We have indeed created man in the best of moulds” (Holy Quran, 95:4)

The mental illness started with me seeking perfection, and now I find I am seeking comfort through His Utter Perfection, learning to let go and forgive myself as I ask God again and again for His Forgiveness. He is Al-Ghafur after all, The Most Forgiving. And now the journey has not ended, will not end actually; it is a life-long journey I was meant to drive through, wind in my hair and all, enjoying all the discoveries and adventures I collect through managing the illness. Alhamdulillah, it began with Allah’s Grace, and there I pray it will end.

And it takes a day to make you yawn, brother
It takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
It takes the one to have the other
But it takes you years to know what love is
It takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the rust to have it polished

It takes a night to make it dawn
It takes no time to fall in love
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful

Life is wonderful by Jason Mraz

 

Written by Sumaiyah Mohamed

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